No Hope For Resilience

Since leadership is not exclusive to the workplace, let's remember that the concept of leadership starts long before anyone ever finds themselves in the workplace. If more leaders at home (parents) would inspire their followers (children) with useful life-skills instead of arming them with whining and blame (from their own example), then it wouldn't be such an onerous task for leaders to try to fix them all at work later in life.

So, what's the most important life-skill that parents can teach their kids? They can teach their kids how to be resilient. But most don't simply because they don't know how themselves. In fact, most people think that having "hope" will be enough to get them through the tough times. Sorry - wrong answer. Hope is a victim-based strategy. Hoping that something will turn out better doesn't get you off of your lazy butt to do anything about it. In fact, when you get to "hope," you've pretty much exhausted any of your other options and simply given in to your circumstances. Hoping is the same as wishing. You can cross your fingers, go to your happy-place, wave a magic wand and find a four-leafed clover and you will have accomplished as much as "hope" offers.

"I hope the economy gets better soon. I hope it's sunny tomorrow. I hope I get that promotion. I hope she likes me." Sound familiar? Nothing gets done when you "hope." Hope is for the lazy. You can't change the economy. You can't do anything about the weather. You will get the promotion only if you deserve it. You can't make anyone like you. Hoping doesn't change that. But resilience allows you to move forward in spite of these things.

Attitude Adjustment: People need to be unflappable in the face of adversity, change and upheaval. That is the single-most important thing a parent can bless a child with - resilience. Teach your little people how to be unflappable and they won't need "hope." They will realize that "hope" is the last thing you lean on when you run out of other things to do.

And don't think that "hope" is just another word for positive attitude. Hope is not a synonym for positive attitude. They are not interchangeable nor even closely related. You want to inspire people to have "resilience" - the ability to bounce back. "Resilient" people are more goal oriented, more adaptable in situations requiring change and have higher levels of energy to achieve their goals. People who rely on "hope" are not necessarily resilient. People who "hope" don't necessarily "do." Resilient people bounce back despite what has happened to them.

So if you are going to learn one skill that will get you further ahead in your life than any other, learn resilience. Resilience is what happens right after you ask yourself, "OK, now what?" Once you learn resilience, you can teach it to others. If the whole world better-understood resilience and accountability, we could do away with injury lawyers and Jerry Springer would be off of the air.