People keep talking about productive conflict and unproductive conflict in the workplace. When you really think about it, there is really only unproductive conflict. If it's conflict, then it's because an idea could not be discussed without escalating. Once the idea has escalated, things start to heat up. There is a real possibility that hurt feelings can come from conflict. That is unproductive. Once conflict occurs, you can't go back in time to erase it no matter how much effort is made to resolve the issue. There will always be a memory of the conflict. No matter how insignificant that memory may be it leaves a mark. That is unproductive.
And the memory of that conflict remains with both parties forever. They may be able to put their differences aside but the memory remains and may in fact, taint future discussions so as to avoid a repeat of the last discussion. That too, is unproductive.
Conflict happens when two closed minds run into each other. Both parties want to be right. And it's no surprise. People don't like to have their ideas shot down or trumped by a better idea. This is especially true of people with low self-esteem. It takes two very open minds, a good sense of self, decent confidence and a conscious willingness to work to the better end to be able to avoid conflict at all. People who have a good sense of self rarely get into arguments. People with good self-confidence are more willing to listen to ideas, especially good ideas even if that means letting go of their own ideas. This sounds like the Utopian workplace. And it probably is. But this really isn't your workplace is it?
Conflict exists in organizations because people either are unable to communicate effectively or feel they must protect themselves from people who want to take advantage of them regardless of whether those people actually exist. People who are comfortable in their own skin rarely need to be right so badly that it creates conflict. There is a difference between being right and being happy. You can't be both.
The problem is, people don't want to look like idiots. And so as to not look like an idiot, people will argue their position attempting to argue their opponent into submission. Funny thing, when this happens both sides look like idiots. If organizations would simply arm their people with soft-skills in not only communications, but emotional intelligence as well, they could probably eliminate 90% of workplace conflicts.
Having worked in both multinational corporations and a small restaurant, I can honestly say there was far more conflict in the restaurant. The people I worked with at the restaurant were less educated, less worldly and many had taken the job as a last resort. Consequently, most of the staff had fewer people skills. Which, in itself, is irony because these people dealt more with the public. There were public displays of conflict daily.
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: Conflict usually happens when people are talking when they should be listening. This is a big problem in not just small mom and pop restaurants but in corporate America too. There are more people talking than there are listening. Twitter is a perfect example of this. Although tweets don't end in conflict, there are more people talking than there are listening. Everyone is looking for their 15 minutes of fame. Everyone wants to be noticed. It's a crowded market place with so many people shouting their messages. And because people are so busy shouting their own messages they are not listening to what other people are saying. This has the potential to create conflict. It is indicative of what is happening in the corporate workplace today. When people stop listening they stop being respectful of other opinions and ideas. Without respect, conflict is a certainty.
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