13 Service and Business Oxymorons

These really don't need much of an introduction. They are pretty self-explanatory. Enjoy on this Filter-Free Fridays™.

1. Your call is very important to us. Your approximate wait time is 12 minutes. Please continue to hold.
2. (Voice mail) I am out of the office until Wednesday next week. If this call is important ...
3. You have exceeded the maximum allowable bandwidth on our "Unlimited" Data Package.
4. We absolutely guarantee your satisfaction. Would you be interested in purchasing an extended warranty?
5. To report a non-working phone line, please call our emergency repair department ....
6. Your $29 item qualifies for free shipping in the USA. Standard International Shipping to Canada fee of $35 will apply.
7. Thank you for reporting your emergency issue by email. Our support staff will respond to your inquiry within 48 business hours.
8. If you are unable to reach us by telelphone, please use the automated customer service form on our web page.
9. (Automated phone message) We attempted to deliver your overnight courier package but you weren`t home. It will be available at our retail location (8 miles away) after 10 A.M. tomorrow.
10. Our Company is Proudly 100% Canadian Owned. (on the back) Made in China.
11. While customers want more from the companies and employees they do business with, they have actually come to expect less than they did before.
12. Have a suggestion for us? We are open to your suggestions Monday to Friday between 10 am to 4 pm. Closed nights, weekends and holidays.
13. (As found in the operator`s manual) This page has been intentionally left blank.

Go ahead and tell them when they're doing stuff like this - especially on Filter-Free Fridays™. They obviously could use a little help. They probably don't even know they're doing it. Maybe they'll see the humor in it.