Memo From The Customer

I think I missed a memo recently. I must have. The memo I missed apparently stated that if you are a cashier, a salesperson or even a “sandwich artist,” feel free to have conversations with your co-workers, your friends and other complete strangers while “serving” your current customer.

When exactly did the person with the money (the customer) become the least important part of a front-line worker’s day? Recently, it seems that almost every store I have gone into has someone at the front counter who needs to have a conversation with someone else (not work-related) that is more important than accepting my money. How can everything in a cashier’s day be more important than my willingness to exchange goods and services for money? Did I miss that memo?

In response, here is my memo.

Memo to: The front-line staff of all organizations
From: The Customer
Re: Performance review

It has come to my attention that you have been ignoring me lately. Although nothing has been said directly to me, your performance in the role of customer service has become suspect. I wish to address that here.

Your willingness to make eye-contact with me and to acknowledge that I have chosen to part with my hard-earned money has made me feel as though you really don’t care that I am in your establishment willing to purchase something. I am simply asking that, for the few minutes I am in your business, that you keep your conversations focused on what I would like and, most of all, be thankful for my willingness to frequent your work place. I feel compelled to address this issue as I have noticed it lacking of late.

I am becoming incredibly frustrated at being ignored while I am in the midst of purchasing something. I (the customer) am the revenue source for your business. I (the customer) am the guy who keeps the lights on in your business and gives you the revenue stream to pay for silly little expenses like … oh I don’t know … staff!! I (the customer), in this so-called economic downturn, am the difference between your business going down and your business thriving. Unless there is a fire, ask yourself, is there really something more important that you feel you must handle before you handle my transaction?

Do you really need to create conversations with others about how tired you are, how long the day has been or how many minutes are left before you can head to the bar to hang out with your friends? If I were your boss would you ignore me as I stood in front of you so that you could carry on meaningless conversations with friends or co-workers? Well, how about you think of me as your boss – simply in the fact that I pay you indirectly.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: The secret to customer service is to simply be present in my dealing with you. I don’t want to feel like I’m imposing on you when I buy something from you. I want to hear “Thank you.” I want you to mean it when you say it. You can tell me to “have a nice day” or not – that’s really not important to me. A simple “thank you” is all I require.

For this performance review, I need you to improve in only two areas: 1) your attitude of gratitude when I choose to part with my money in your business, and 2) your focus and attention on me for the few moments I stand in front of you.

Failure to comply with these performance issues will cause me to fire you as a company I do business with. You have been warned.