Listen Up

“If you think the person behind the counter is dumber than you, you’ll go out of your way to prove it. But what if he’s not? Can you see a very frustrating day coming for you? But if you believe the person behind the counter may offer you an amusing story to tell, you’ll go looking for that. In over twelve years, since I started doing this, I’ve yet to find a day where I didn’t have an amusing story to tell at the end of it.”

That’s a direct quote from my Attitude Adjustment keynote presentation. I go looking for the amusing stories and I usually find them. This was not one of those days.

I was searching for a shirt. I don’t like ties. I don’t understand ties. In fact, I think a tie is just a fancy noose (perhaps I need to change my attitude on that one but perhaps not). So, instead of “expressing my individuality” through a tie, I wear an open-collared shirt – usually something that makes a statement and is normally one-of-a-kind. I have consulted with some very good clothiers and found a look that feels comfortable for me and yet is not what everyone else is wearing.

I entered the men's wear store where I encountered Earl, the sales clerk. Earl wore the requisite sport jacket, dress pants, patterned dress shirt and a tie. I told him I was looking for a shirt that was unique, one-of-a-kind, not boring, not white nor any shade of red or purple (I look very pink wearing reds and purples) … oh, and I don’t wear a tie.

He became indignant and began to challenge me on not looking like everyone else. He chastised me by explaining that a tie expresses my individuality.

“Not if everyone else is wearing one,” I added.

He argued with me, in a sort of polite way. In essence, he was telling me that he knew better than me what I should be wearing. His condescending attitude was beginning to become irritating.

He pulled down a pure white shirt, a purple shirt and a couple of shirts with red running through them and asked if this is what I was looking for. In my mind, I couldn’t help but think that he didn’t hear a word I said, so I reiterated my “non-negotiables.”

Shirt after shirt came out, each looking just like the last with small variations. They all began to look the same. The colors were boring. The styles were boring and honestly, this experience was becoming boring. So I left.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT: Do you attempt to push your personal tastes on your clients or do you consult with them? If you’re a manager, do you already know more than your people or is there an opportunity for them to teach you something? How often do you actually just sit and listen to your customers’ wants, your co-workers ideas or your spouse’s dreams?

The art of listening isn’t really all that complicated. It simply requires you to clear your head of all of your pre-supposed fixes, opinions and beliefs that you know better than they. Better that you come off as compassionate more than arrogant.

Every single person you come in contact with can teach you something so long as you trash the belief that you already know everything. You don’t know everything. I don’t know everything. I especially don’t know everything about selling clothes but I do know what I like to wear. Maybe cut me some slack that I have a handle on dressing myself and keep the opinions to yourself. Maybe you’ll be more successful if you listen to what I want before you tell me what I need. Listen. Did you hear me?