13 New "Not-So-Best" Practices

Instructions before reading: please firm up tongue, make space between upper and lower teeth, now place tongue firmly in cheek.

LAUGH-long learning – finding the humour in messing up and being confident enough to admit you made a mistake.

LACK-countability – a trait found in whiners, moaners and complainers who take no responsibility for sub-standard results. They insist, instead, on blaming the job, the boss, the customer or the economy for doing poorly.

FUNomenal employee – those with a positive attitude who make the job a better place to work.

LEERdership – a trait found employees who sit at their desk staring at the clock waiting for the whole terrible ordeal (workday) to be over.

Customer DIService – believing that it’s the customer’s privilege to be served by you. Here’s the Balance-Sheet philosophy: The customer is “Revenue.” You are “Expense.” It’s your privilege to have a customer. Get it straight.

Earning Disorder – the result of not understanding that the more you learn, the more valuable you become. Look at your paycheck: The amount is not what the company pays – it’s what the company pays you. Other people, more valuable people, are earning a lot more. Your paycheck is directly proportional to your perceived value.

NOtivation – the result of too many times saying, “That’s not my responsibility.”

GINspired – those returning from a two-martini lunch. (Can also be found at conferences and conventions showing up first thing in the morning at the commencement of a full day of intense learning, still half-drunk as a result of abusing the Hospitality Suite’s open bar the night before).

Lunch Rumour (a.k.a. BUZZness meeting) – water-cooler gossip between two or more individuals targeting other employees behind their backs.

Employee DEtention – how staff feel about managers who still believe that they can get more productivity from employees by ruling by fear.

ResponsiBULL Management – managers who preach about taking responsibility and then look for a scapegoat when one of their own decisions goes wrong.

POLLitically Correct – managing by poll – elevating their own “need-to-be-liked” as the most important component of decision-making.

GRatittude Adjustment – That “a-ha” moment when you realize that every bad job, every lousy boss and every meager paycheck has a blessing attached: you could be unemployed. You ARE in charge of your own life y’know.

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